I finally gotta know that my boss had a feeling on me. What?? That is far worst reality. Gosh!!
I know we used to had a good relationship the last time. But these days, we doesn't have any reason to like each other. I feel it, I hate him for so many reasons.
First, I know that he purposely doesn't want to promote me. He promised last time to promote me for a higher position. But, he didn't keep his promise. He gave me so many reason why I'm not deserved it. I have done so many extra things that he asked me to do. Still, he didn't find it impressive. I will never be good enough to him.
That's it! I'm giving up, because it's not that I'm not performing, he just don't want to see it. He think that I will stay here with him forever. Am I nuts??
But, last week someone said it to me the fact that my boss had a crush on me. It took me by surprise! Really!!
I still remember how caring he can be to me. He bought me lunch, he celebrate my confirmation, working anniversary. He bought fruit and juice for me when I got sick in the office. I took a half day off but he told me to eat the thing that he bought before I went back. He knows my problems. He knows about my family issues. He never missed to brought something for me whenever he went back to his hometown at Ipoh. Sometimes he brought his Mom's homemade biscuits, sometimes pomelo fruit from Taiping. He knows when I went for solat even if I didn't informed him. He understand that he cannot touch me or shake hand with me more that a Muslim boss will do.
My colleague once told me that he seems to be anxious, nervous like the old says "bagai kucing hilang anak" when I was not there in the office. He keep message me even if I'm on leave or MC, asking unnecessary thing. He drop me off to the nearest train station when we stayed back for work even it's not that late. When we used to be very closed, I did bought him cake to celebrate his birthday with other colleagues.
But then, there is one day he suddenly received a bouquet of flower, he told us that it was from his girlfriend. Not later than that, he got married. He did invited me but I didn't have the chance to go. My friend find it weird because his wife is a very young girl, just recently graduated from college and he is far older than me. Later on, he changed a lot. He change tremendously when he got promoted to be GM. I was so shocked and feel offended that he didn't informed me about that. I just know it from someone else.
Starting from that moment, we didn't get closed anymore. We are separated. My other colleagues noticed about that. We even had a cold war and lots of lots of misunderstanding and it kills me. He once raise his voice to me. That never happened before. I don't want to talk with him. Communication, approval all by email, even if he is in front of me. We didn't talk when the two of us left in the office. I keep MC and EL as my routine. There is one or two times we confront and try to solve our issue. I told him how I felt, he tone down a bit and promise to change all the bad thing that happened to us. It was a solid of 6 years ++ Boss-Staff relationship and I am not hoping for another counting.
This year I decided to move and search for other opportunity outside. I had enough with him and the company. Please pray for me so that I can get a better place to go after this. I wanted to end the war. I accept the fact that he is still my boss and I still have respect over him.
I will keep treating him well because of one reason. Because of Allah. There is a time when I pray that Allah shower him with Hidayah because I believed deep down inside he is a good guy. I tried to be a good Muslim so that he got a good experience working with Muslim and he got a good expectation towards Islam. Hope I got him into something. I have done my best, so please let me be in other place.
These days, he seems so different. He smiled a lot, with me of course. When he talk, he looked at me, he come towards me. He even asked me if I would like join meeting or not. That never happened before! He jokes around and talk to me, discuss, listen to my thought like we did before. Well, whatever it is, I'm just hoping that this will end well. He might once had a feeling with me, but he backed off due to a lot of reason, family, religion, background etc. I never thought that things like this can happened. But, sometimes things never go as what we planned. I want to tender my resignation as soon as possible. May Allah bless me with a better opportunity or rezeki in other places. Amiin..
#allwellendswell #whenmoonlightladywrite
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